I really hope that me going back to school is going to pay off in the long run. I am tired of being broke and having no money left over after paying bills. I can't even afford to buy Christmas presents so I am considering going into savings for it. I am not wanting others to feel sorry for me, this is just how it is, and I know I'm not alone here.
Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for what I have, but it just feels like I can't ever get ahead. My husband and I can barely pay our bills each month, and we feel like we are just going through the motions of life, not enjoying it.
What is God trying to teach me through this experience? I just wish I could believe Him for a blessing financially,but right now that just doesn't seem right. There are so many others who are a lot worse off than I am. That is what is so frustrating. I feel bad about my lack, and I haven't the slightest idea what someone who has even less feels like. Does that make me a bad person for still wanting for my own? I feel bad for having those feelings. I am just so frustrated.
I am not giving Christmas gifts this year and people are just going to have to deal. I love giving gifts and I am bummed that I can't. Please just allow me to experience this and learn from it. Don't feel sorry for me even though I might throw myself a pity party for a bit. I'll get over it.
As much as I love that Christ was born for my salvation, I hate this time of year!
For those who actually read this, thanks for listening. For some odd reason it feels good to vent
this way.
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