So simple yet so complex

I am. I have always been. I will always be. I am awake. I am aware that I am awake.
We are all the same. We are all connected and we are all individual. We are all a part of
something greater. The greater is God. God is the Great I am.
Bet God never has to ask himself "who am I?" If he doesn't then why do we
Wake up. Stay awake. Wake up those who are still asleep. This is what Spirit wants. He won't come until we are all Awake.

to simply exist is not enough

It isn't enough just to exist. We were not created to just be here and take up space and hope that our lives turn out well. We have to work at being children of God. God created us for His enjoyment yes, but we still have our part to play. He gave us the freedom, but we need to take up our crosses daily and live the way God wants us to. I feel this is our obligation to Christ.
Every relationship has a give and take.
It is hard to go from living one way your whole life and then becoming someone completely different. I am learning this on a daily basis. I have a bad habit of expecting the worst in bad times instead of having hope. I am trying to give up control that I really don't have in the first place and put all my trust in God. That is the start for me living right. I know next I want to work on how I treat others. I want to be able to get to a point where it is like second nature for me to love a complete stranger or even someone that I don't care for, or who does not care for me very much. This is the challenge at hand. This is the way God wants us to live. I feel if I can at least work on it then I have brought God some glory with my life.
I don't want to just exist. I want my life to please Him. God please give me the grace and wisdom to achieve my goals.

It really is to good to be true, becuase He is!

the moment I stopped questioning and just let life happen, God showed up. it is just amazing how each and every day He shows me that he loves me. it leaves me in awe how he continually makes right my wrongs and still blesses me in the process. i am just speechless at times about how much love i feel surrounding me from Him. I can never repay what Jesus did on the cross, but I hope that through God molding me, one day I'll be a better person, and better resemble who Jesus was while he was with us. That is all I can aspire to be. I think that is all God wants us to do. Thank you God for loving me so much! I have really never known a love like this before. It literally brings me to tears of joy sometimes when I think about it. I think that is becuase there are no words to express these feelings yet. the only one
I can think of is gratitude. I think when I first became a Christian, I really had know idea
what unconditional love was in this regard. Now I am starting to get it. Finally :)

What does the cross mean?

To me the cross means security. Knowing that I have an advocate who went before me to save me from myself. The cross has nothing to do with religion. The cross is life. The cross is hope. The cross is the largest symbol of love that ever existed on this earth, above, and below.
I know this in my head. Sometimes I know it in my heart. I want every ounce of my being...body, soul, and spirit to take this in and be more aware of what the cross means than ever before. It is so over my head how Jesus did what he did for sinners...to turn us into saints. That is amazing to me. I can't even begin to fathom that kind of love. I want to understand that love better. Jesus, make me understand.

Keepin' the Faith

God is always working behind the scenes on our behalf. Our job is to remain in faith that he can do what His word says he can do. When we begin to doubt, it not only hinders our relationship with God and others; it also prevents us from getting our breakthroughs that much faster. So we must keep believing, expecting, and hoping for the best. God is able and he will do if we let Him.
I have had many issues with doubt. Especially recently with the economy. I have started to loose hope. Recently my friend reminded me that faith is not just a warm fuzzy feeling. It is a choice. That really put things into perspective for me. I needed to hear that. So now I choose to stay in faith and expect miracles in my life from God. If you think I am crazy, then that is your deal. This is the choice I choose to make. Actually if I don't make it, then I will be even more miserable. Who wants to be feeling like there is no hope all the time? It is better to be miserable and have faith in what God can do, than to be miserable and have nothing to hope for! That's my take on it anyway.

Is true centering possible?

when I am stressed, worried, and anxious the first thing I want to do is escape my current emotional state. now weather that is a healthy or unhealthy form of release it depends on my mood at the time.
I want to have more healthy forms of escape. I want to be able to get to a point where I can just breathe and recenter. Meditation has always been a struggle for me, but now I'm finding that I need it more. My struggle is to focus. My mind is always going a million different directions at one time. I have always been like that. I can be listening to a converstaion and still not be present. I want to learn to be present. I want to learn to focus on the task at hand without being so distracted.
I can't always hop on a plane and go on vacation when I need to de-stress. Even so, my problems would still be there for me to deal with. Help. what can I do to relieve my stress and focus better if meditation is such a challenge? I need to re-center me! :-)

stop trying so hard

I have learned that the reason I haven't had victory in some areas troubling me is because I am still living in the flesh. I am still trying to do things for God or for myself and it isn't working. I am only gaining frustration and wasted energy.
How long does it take a person to stop trying to live for God and just allow Christ to live through me? I wish I knew the answer to that. This is part of my process right now. I know one day I'll wake up and be ready to exercise or quit smoking, but not until I stop trying and let God do it for me. It is just so frustrating because I want to accomplish it now, but God says it is not the right time for me. I know the time will come one day when I am not obsessing so much anymore. When I can just learn to accept me for who I am, just like Jesus does.
Until then, I guess all I can do is continue to pray for God's favor in my life and use my energy to get to know Him better. I need to focus more on my relationship with Him so that when I hear him speak to me I know his voice.
I need the victory, but Jesus has to do it through me if that is his will for my life! I guess I need to be okay with that too. Stop trying to do things that may not be what God wants for me right now.