stop trying so hard

I have learned that the reason I haven't had victory in some areas troubling me is because I am still living in the flesh. I am still trying to do things for God or for myself and it isn't working. I am only gaining frustration and wasted energy.
How long does it take a person to stop trying to live for God and just allow Christ to live through me? I wish I knew the answer to that. This is part of my process right now. I know one day I'll wake up and be ready to exercise or quit smoking, but not until I stop trying and let God do it for me. It is just so frustrating because I want to accomplish it now, but God says it is not the right time for me. I know the time will come one day when I am not obsessing so much anymore. When I can just learn to accept me for who I am, just like Jesus does.
Until then, I guess all I can do is continue to pray for God's favor in my life and use my energy to get to know Him better. I need to focus more on my relationship with Him so that when I hear him speak to me I know his voice.
I need the victory, but Jesus has to do it through me if that is his will for my life! I guess I need to be okay with that too. Stop trying to do things that may not be what God wants for me right now.

James 5:14-15

I am in desperate need for healing of chronic urinary infections. I have had them one per month since October, 2008. I know that Satan wants me to feel defeated in this, but I know that I can ask for help. Since the low-dose antibiotics aren't working, I am going to a specialist. This is out of the PCP league.
God wants me to be well to do his will. I am confident in this. I am expecting a miracle of healing to occur so that I am free of this ailment. I am asking that all who know me and love Christ to pray for my healing in this area. I know the power of prayer and I need that power in my life right now.
If you would like to pray with me, I am open to that. Just let me know. Hcs708@yahoo.com.
Thank you for hearing my cry and helping me, Lord, to remain confident in You and Your children! I leave this in your hands and I know you will deliver me!

"Our hope is our change" Unknown

to be broken

I don't see how it is possible that I have been a Christian for three years now, and I am just learning that the reason I am so messed up is because I have not surrendered.
How can I be a Christian and not given all of my rights to God and given God control over my life. I feel that this is why I haven't had the experience with grace that I so long to have.
I want to be broken, but I am scared. I need to do this or my walk will be meaningless. So how does one begin to be broken? I need to give up all control and self-sufficiency. Can I really do this? Why are we so afraid to give up control even when we really don't have it to begin with?
How am I to even begin this process. I want to do it because I want a deeper walk with Christ, and I want to know Christ and his sufferings. But at the same time, I don't want to do it out of pride or to be noticed. How can my heart want something, but my mind have selfish motives?
I want to be noticed for positive reasons, but I know this is pride. That is a different discussion in itself. Motives.
If anyone reads this, please pray that Faith will break me so that I can do nothing else but lean on it!