Really a Christian, or just a claim in vain?

Dear God,

It makes me sick to know that I have been claiming to be in you and have your love in me but not doing anything to show that love to others who really need it. It has been all about me and
playing it safe so I feel comfortable.
I have been so selfish asking so much of you but not giving your love back into my community.
Please forgive me. Please tell me what I can do through my actions to help the poor and make a difference. Why has it taken me this long to realize that I am so selfish and it is not all about me.
Can I really surrender all that I am for your cause? I guess I was trying to have my cake and eat it to, but that isn't what you're about. Yes you will bless us to show us your love, but in turn you ask that we love others and bless them. How can I do this. How can I serve you and take up my cross? I want to live radically for you Lord. But sometimes I feel so fake and I hate this. It is like I want everything to be easy and abandon my faith when it gets hard. Why are we humans so prone to doing this? Please change my heart and show me where I can be of use.
Please take away this feeling of sickness in my soul. I just want to rid myself of my selfish ways
and be more like your beautiful son Jesus! Then I can really call myself a Christian! Thank you for convicting me of this problem.