to be broken

I don't see how it is possible that I have been a Christian for three years now, and I am just learning that the reason I am so messed up is because I have not surrendered.
How can I be a Christian and not given all of my rights to God and given God control over my life. I feel that this is why I haven't had the experience with grace that I so long to have.
I want to be broken, but I am scared. I need to do this or my walk will be meaningless. So how does one begin to be broken? I need to give up all control and self-sufficiency. Can I really do this? Why are we so afraid to give up control even when we really don't have it to begin with?
How am I to even begin this process. I want to do it because I want a deeper walk with Christ, and I want to know Christ and his sufferings. But at the same time, I don't want to do it out of pride or to be noticed. How can my heart want something, but my mind have selfish motives?
I want to be noticed for positive reasons, but I know this is pride. That is a different discussion in itself. Motives.
If anyone reads this, please pray that Faith will break me so that I can do nothing else but lean on it!